Bathroom Business

Warning: This post contains graphic details about poop and pee. If you are even slightly squeamish, I would like to invite you to spend your next five minutes staring out the window and think of beautiful flowers and sunshine.

I know we are behind on posting, but I just HAD to post this latest event.

This past Saturday, we were returning from a lovely jaunt up to New York City. Dad had been in town to visit us and we were returning him to NYC and spent some time with Grandma and Aunty Kay. We had a wonderful time, ate a quick dinner before we left and then drove home to try to catch the end of the Tennessee vs. LSU game.

At some point after we got off the Pennsylvania Turnpike, I began to sense a strangeness in the air, as if something was off. I discovered it was a strange smell, but thought maybe it's the Chinese food that Grandma gave us to take home, it could be leaking. No worries, we are only 20 minutes from home.

When we got home, we quickly learned that the strange smell was coming from Evie's diaper. When we got inside the house and extracted Evie from the car seat, we discovered that her diaper had burst its banks and she had leaked all over her jeans and the car seat. When I got her upstairs for a bath, I discovered something more deadly.

After I took off her jeans began and lifted up her onsie, I discovered that Evie had had a massive poosplosion that had exploded up her back and had left long strips of poop stuck to the inside of her onsie. Since I did not want to wipe poop into my daughter's hair and face, I began to remove the strips of poop with toilet paper and tossed them into the toilet.

Then I took off Evie's diaper, which she immediately stepped in. Now she had poop on her foot, which she planted onto the bathmat. While I held her over my knee to wipe the explosive poop from her butt and foot, poop fell from somehwere off her body onto the bathroom floor, smearing. My knee landed in the poop on the bathmat. There were flecks of poop on the toilet seat and Evie was trying to wriggle out of my hands. I felt like I was laying in poop. I began to laugh because I was afraid I might throw up.

After I had removed poop from my baby, I stood a naked Evie next to the tub so she could watch the water filling her bath and I could finish wiping up the poop from the floor and the toilet seat. I looked up at her in time to see her peeing directly onto the bathmat, making two little pools of pee. I started to laugh harder. Her face had a look of wonder, "Where is this liquid coming from?" I began to snort hysterically with laughter when Evie leaned over and used her little index finger to swirl the pools of pee on the bathmat.

At this time, I would just like to add another item to the "Things They Did Not Tell New Mothers" List. Item #72: They did not tell us that we would be so intimately acquainted with our child's bathroom business. Perhaps if They had shared this precious bit of information with us, we would have thought differently about babies and their bodily functions. And folks, we are not even to toilet training yet. Please continue to pray for us.